Remembering a Friend

Shortly after my youngest daughter was born, I was diagnosed with a fairly rare Kidney Disease. It was rather scary for me at the time, because up until that point in my life, I had never stayed overnight in a hospital except to have my babies. I spent two weeks in the hospital while they tried to determine what caused the kidney damage with out much success. Ultimately my kidneys stabilized, and the doctors decided instead of continuing more invasive tests which could create additional problems, we should instead opt for waiting, watching and elimination of possible triggers that might cause a recurrence. Because no on could tell me what happened, however,  I maintained a heightened level of anxiety about my health and my future.

Susan, David and Nora

About the same time frame, one of my high school friends also gave birth to a little girl, and like me, she also was faced with her first real medical challenge soon afterwards. Susan was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She and her doctors chose a conservative approach to her treatment opting for a lumpectomy vs a mastectomy. She wanted more children and the opportunity to breastfeed again, and her initial prognosis seemed to support this course of treatment. She lived across the country from me at the time, and computers were not yet household mainstays, so our communication was rather limited and we both really spent our initial year post diagnosis without either one of us very aware of the other's circumstances.

It was about a year after my initial diagnosis when a small group of my high school/college girl friends met at my husband's family cabin in Virginia for a girls' weekend. It had been several years since I had made one of the weekends, something most of my other friends managed to do fairly regularly, but this was a special weekend, one of our group was engaged and this was her Bridal Shower. I was determined to make this retreat. It was exciting to be with all of my friends again, but I also remember feeling somewhat disconnected from the girls at first. It was nothing they did, but a by-product of having missed so many of the other get togethers. They would recall some shared experience, and I would feel sad and a little guilty I had missed it. But as the weekend continued, we began catching up on all the things we had missed in each other's lives. The disconnect faded as we made new memories that weekend.

It was also the first time I had seen Susan since her diagnosis, and we re-connected again as we shared our medical journey's of the past year. What I recall the most is being so impressed by her positive attitude. I was still worrying about the unknown... What had caused my kidney's to start dying?  Would it happen again and what would that mean for my future? But Susan, who frankly had a much scarier diagnosis, was focused on the now. She was cancer free that day, but knew statistically she needed to stay cancer free for at least five years to feel safe again, yet she wasn't worrying about the next five years. She was making a conscious decision to live her life without the fear of  "What ifs?" She talked about the possibility of not making it to her 30th birthday, but she believed in her heart she would be celebrating in style and was planning for it. I left that weekend with a new attitude about my kidney disease, I wasn't going to live my life worrying about the answers I didn't have any longer; I was going to focus on the fact I was fine right now and enjoy each day again without the fear of "What if?". 

I know that as we sat on the porch that weekend and discussed our lives, our children, and our medical problems, neither one of us truly believed we would succumb to our illnesses. We were old enough to be a little fearful, but we were still young enough to believe in our invincibility.  In the end, Susan did live to see her thirtieth birthday, but not her 31st. She fought a hard battle, but the cancer kept coming back, eventually attacking her lungs, her spine and her brain.

I am 46 years old and it is almost twenty years later. I am ashamed to say that despite having lost a good friend to this disease, I have not had my first Mammogram. I have let every other issue take priority over a small, but very important one. I've begun my journey by working out regularly and making better choices about my diet, but I know to truly make a change I have to do more.

Monday's task: Schedule My first Mammogram.

One last thing...please check out my newest link under my favorite link's section. Libby's Legacy is an organization dedicated to providing comprehensive breast health care to the underserved Central Florida community through education, mammograms, follow up diagnostics and Hope Coaches on the journey from diagnosis to treatment.

A few of our Friends Supporting Libby's Legacy at Scooters for Hooters