I am listening now....

Every day on my way to work, I pass by the same group of ladies walking their dogs. Some days the group has three people, some days four, some days five, but in general the group has the same core three ladies who walk every day, rain or shine, snow or sleet, freezing or blazing hot. When I think about the road ahead to achieving a healthier me, I want to be like the group of ladies walking their dogs...have the commitment to stay the course regardless of the circumstances, and that of course is the challenge. I have commitment today, but how do I maintain that commitment level over the long haul. What do I use to motivate myself to get out of bed on a cold day when I'm feeling achy? How do I break myself of the habit of grabbing a quick Reeses Peanut Butter Cup to start the day on the way out the door? How do I motivate myself to make that annual OB GYN or Dental appointments for which are several years behind?

Jimmie

I've made the first step, by starting my village. But step two involves listening. This past Monday after I shared my blog with my husband, he was pretty excited. He had a brother pass away a few years ago from a sudden heart attack. Jimmie was active his entire life. He played indoor soccer leagues in the winter, outdoor soccer leagues in the spring, he golfed, helped coach his children's teams, worked in the yard and much more. He travelled quite a bit for work, and because of that, he probably did not eat as well as he should have. He put on a little weight before he passed away too, but was never heavy. He was clearly not the person you would look at and think "He's a heart attack waiting to happen" . Yet he was the one who left us too early. So while my husband has always encouraged me to start some sort of physical fitness routine, in the last few years, his efforts have increased and rightfully so.

To set the background for this story, you need to know that Chuck has always been my strongest advocate, but he has also always been the the last person I've wanted to listen to. I think it may be a woman thing, but when Chuck would say "So do you think now that you are feeling a little better, you'll get back to the gym?". I'd hear, "Honey, your getting a little flabby, you better work out." Once I would make that effort and start back for some period of time, I would inevitably start missing a day here or there, and then he would ever so nicely (for fear of my reaction) ask me again, " So do you think you will get to the gym today?" and I of course heard, "Wow, you're lazy, why aren't you making it to the gym anymore?" . This of course would inevitably lead to a long explanation on my part about why I couldn't make that happen. It was pretty painful to be on the receiving end of my defensiveness, and he would eventually stop asking for some period of time, until he determined it was safe to try again.

So back to Monday, Chuck's excited. I've actually started this thing without any nudges from him, and I've invited advice! We are in the car after dinner, and I am laying out my plan for him. I mention that I am concerned about how I am going to fit my work-out routine in on the days I have to get Charlie to her ride at 8:15 in the morning. Chuck very nicely pipes in, "Well you can go after work on those days..." at which point I promptly cut him off, and reverted back to my old defensive self hearing instead, "You're already making excuses. You are going to fail."  After I finished my diatribe, he very quietly said to me "You just invited the world to give you advice, but clearly you weren't including me. If you had let me finish, I was just going to say, I can cook dinners on the nights you need to work out, so you won't have to worry about that, but I won't try and give you anymore advice, since it seems to upset you so."  Of course, after feeling like a heel, I stopped and really thought about it. That was exactly one of my problems/patterns I needed to break. I was cutting off the one person who has always supported me regardless of my success and refusing to listen to his suggestions, because I was letting my own insecurities color his comments.

So Step Two: To my dear husband, Thank you for always supporting me in my efforts. I am listening now.