Typically I start my work-out on the treadmill. It is easy to tune everyone out while doing this, because there is literally a small TV attached to every machine. I just plug in my ear phones, tune it to an interesting show and put blinders on to everyone else around me. After my jaunt, I typically head to the weight section. Last week I had only attempted the weight machines, because they were easy to figure out. However, Saturday, my husband joined me for my work-out and showed me some simple free weight exercises I could try. I particularly liked his routine, because it felt like I was working my muscles harder than on the weight machines, but it was also designed to complete in a short period of time, and I thought that would work very well with my schedule .
So Wednesday night was the first rotation in my work-out schedule where I got to try the exercises he showed me again by myself. I headed over to the free weight section to begin my routine, and suddenly I felt several pairs of eyes upon me. There were actually several men working out in that area, but no women. I immediately felt self-conscious. I even hesitated for a moment and thought, maybe I should just head back over to the weight machines. They were lined up against the wall, and it was a little easier to feel invisible over there. There was no one on them, I could just take a right turn and fall back into anonymity.Then I thought, how did I not notice this on Saturday? There were several men in the free weight area that day as well. I don't recall feeling self conscious at this point, but it struck me, I could hide behind Chuck on Saturday. He was my shield to any sideways looks. So I was facing a new crossroads, should I continue on with the work-out I had already decided upon, or should I let the sideways glances deter me? Ultimately I think it may have been the thought of explaining walking away from the situation in my blog that motivated me, but I swallowed my fear, put my personal items down, reached up and took hold of the Tricep Pulley and began my first exercise.
By the time I finished the routine, I had not quite managed to tune everyone else out, but I had managed to lessen the degree to which I felt self conscious, so as I drove home I pondered the issue. Was this a woman thing... was I self-conscious to work-out in front of men? Was this a beginner thing... was I intimidated by working out in front of stronger and more seasoned athletes? Was this a meat market thing... was I self-conscious that I was perhaps being checked out? The only answer I could come up with was...all of the above.
I knew there were other women like me who felt self-conscious in a gym full of men, but I thought of the many women athletes I know who competed shoulder to shoulder daily in a men's arena and enjoyed it. I wondered if they felt the way I did when they started? I understood that beginners are more likely to feel intimidated surrounded by a group of long-time athletes, so I reminded myself everyone has to start somewhere. I also recognized that every gym has a few folks checking out the scenery, but truthfully, my gym was not nearly the meat market that some gyms are, so I ultimately knew I had chosen well. Hopefully by understanding my feelings, I could begin to conquer them.
The bottom line is I am really glad I didn't let my momentary insecurities take hold of me and stayed the path that day, but I recognize it will probably still be a challenge for me in similar situations for a little while longer. Hopefully with time and experience, I will reach a point where I have enough self confidence that I can tune out those other distractions and just enjoy what I am doing.
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