Milestones

I did it! I've made it an entire month, and not only have I not given up, but I've met my short term goals! This is a new milestone for me. By the end of today I will have broken 1000 views to my blog, as well...another milestone! I really wasn't sure when I began this if I could stick this out and stay the path, but today it feels like my main goal is much more within reach....I've made it a month, I can keep going.

So month two is upon me which means new short term goals. I've decided to continue keeping it simple this month, since for at least one week of it, I will be on a vacation cruise. You may be thinking, "Take the week off !", but after recalling how difficult it was to get back into my routine after my last long weekend off, I've decided I definitely need to continue my fitness routine aboard the boat. I don't want to sink my own ship while on the ship. The good news is, our boat has a gym, fitness classes and an onboard track, so I should have all sorts of options to choose from while on board. The trick is going to be motivating myself to pull away from the fun for an hour or so of not so much fun.

So I need to set goals that are reachable in a vacation environment, but still challenge me. I had originally thought I would just increase my weekly goal from four to five days of physical activity each week, since this is part of my long term goal, but if I am honest I know it will take an enormous amount of self- motivation to get me to the gym at all vacation week, much less five out of seven days, so I ruled this goal out for another month. Next I thought perhaps I should set a goal addressing increasing the amounts of weight I am lifting as a second choice, but as I thought this one through, I came to the decision that my body needs to set that pace, not my blog. At that point in my thought process I realized I was doing far better at overreaching in my goals than setting reasonable ones, so I continued batting ideas around in my head until I finally came up with some that I believe will still challenge me, but not harpoon me in the process.


March's goals: Add an additional mile to my tread mill routine, Increase my daily liquid intake by two bottles of water a day, take a brisk walk around my office building three times a day or substitute with another ten minute physical activity on days weather does not permit, continue with February's short term goals.

Make-up Fitness...

I love Saturdays. Since my daughter left for college last summer, they have become my zen days with my husband. We typically start the day sharing a shower, and then head off on adventures....a trip to Chick Ruth's in Annapolis, perusing the Farmer's Markets in DC or the Portrait Gallery on 7th, or simply catching a matinee movie at the local theater. This past month we've added in a joint trip to the gym as a prequel to the above.

So yesterday morning, as we discussed our Saturday adventure, we decided to keep up the tradition we had started when I began the blog four weeks before, and hit the gym first before heading out to look for bathing suits for our upcoming cruise. While not one of our more cultural adventures, we were excited about the idea that we were close enough to our vacation to start thinking about packing and prepping for the trip, and this excitement provided the backdrop for a a fun filled day of preparations.

Somewhere between heading out for the day and arriving at our gym; however, Chuck and I got into a small marital spat. Our disagreements are few and far between, but when we have one, we both tend to dig our heels in. I am more verbally combative, and Chuck is coolly logical until I push his buttons enough to make him pop. This morning I managed to push his buttons right about the time we were walking into the gym, and he finally reacted by saying he didn't want to go to the gym anymore. That wouldn't do! I had to make my goal of four days a week. This was the last day in week four, and I wasn't going to fail, because of an argument, so I started bickering with him about going to the gym. I'm sure by this point he agreed to go with me simply to settle me down, since we were standing smack dab in the middle of the Bloom parking lot. Needless to say, we headed inside and Chuck reverted to his cool demeanor, and I decided I would out-freeze him.

We jumped on neighboring treadmills and proceeded to tune each other out. He immediately started a brisk run, and I pushed right into a brisk walk.  With each lap I walked, I felt the tension ease. After the first mile, I was already feeling bad about how we had let our morning get away from us. As we neared the end of our cardio-routine, Chuck reached over and grabbed my hand. We smiled at each other, held hands for a minute longer and mouthed our apologies to each other. As simple as that, two miles on the treadmill, and the anger was gone.

The rest of the work-out went amazingly well. I increased my weights on two exercises and added reps to my Ab routine. I felt relaxed, empowered and excited for the rest of my day. My joint shower and Saturday adventure was back on track. Make-up fitness had turned out to be a the perfect pre-quel for the day.

Riding the Desk.....

It's been a slow awakening, but it has come to my attention that one of the problems I need to address is how to overcome my working lifestyle. I sit at a desk for the majority of the day. I work in an office with one full time person, and one part time person. Because of this, our office while bigger than we need for the three of us, is still relatively small, so the distance from office to office is minimal. Surprisingly enough, even after a long day of sitting, when I get home, I'm tired...even more so since I've taken to working out at the end of the day. So after finishing a few chores, I typically do more sitting in front of the TV while I work on my blog or stalk my children on Facebook.



Fifteen Steps to the end Office

 When I began this journey, I believed that just adding in my work-out routines would be enough of a lifestyle change to counteract my sedentary day, and while it was certainly a good start, I've come to realize that I still need to find a way to ease a little more activity into my daily routine. This becomes the challenge. In some offices you could simply just stop picking up the intercom and walk from office to office to increase your activity level. In my office a trip down the hall to discuss an issue takes fifteen steps, and typically involves sitting in a rocking chair on the other end while we discuss the issue at hand. I've even asked myself  if rocking counts? You are using muscles to initiate the motions, after all, but I'm pretty sure if I have to ask the question, it's probably a stretch.

Last week, my co-worker stopped by my office to see if I wanted a Cookie from Subway. It was mid-afternoon and he had the munchies, but we were low on items in the pantries. "Sure", I replied. I also had the munchies and had made healthy choices that day for lunch, so a chocolate chip cookie seemed like a good idea. Ron wasn't gone long, but still a little longer that I expected, and when he returned he mentioned he had walked to the Subway instead of driven because it was such a nice day out. So maybe that becomes one of my motivators, a walk to Subway for an afternoon cookie. It's a fair stride there and back, so it certainly would outweigh the cookie on the fitness value scale.  

The bottom line is as I have started to ponder my new short term goals for next month, I've determined that  one of my goals needs to address riding the desk. I need to choose a goal this time that gets me moving a little more throughout the day, not just during my work-out routine, so I'm accepting suggestions from other Desk Riders....give me some ideas!

Sweat and other Yucky things...

After the last several weeks of regular work-outs, I'm coming to terms with the fact that there are certain yucky things about exercising that there is just no getting around. Sweat...you just can't escape it at the gym. No matter how you try to tune it out, there seems to be no avoiding it. Ironically, I am one of those unusual folks who no matter how hard I work out, rarely sweats. I will develop a small film of perspiration if the work-out has been particularly challenging, but sweat dripping down my brow....a singular rarety. This doesn't seem to be the case for most of the other folks at the gym, however. Men seem to sweat more profusely than women, but even most of the women seem to sport wet spots on their outfits after a thirty minute aerobic work-out. This can create quite the challenge for a person who is slightly sweat adverse. The little orange towel and spray bottle has become my friend as I navigate my routine.

Body Odor...obviously with sweat comes body odor. I may only shed a small sheen of perspiration, but my body odor seems to make up for what I lack in sweat. Perhaps, sweat actually helps wash away the odor, and that is my real problem, but based on the occasional waft from a nearby sweaty gym rat, I have to believe this is an issue all athletes encounter. No matter how much deoderant I apply, I always feel that I leave with a Pig Pen cloud following me home.

Passing Gas....What is it about exercise that stimulates the gas factor? I bear witness to the fact that this is a common problem at the gym. I was raised to believe that passing gas was an incredibly unlady like action. I married a man who can pass gas on command and has integrated it as a part of a comedic routine for years, but even so have maintained a high level of embarassment associated with this action in myself. After my latest surgery one of my not so pleasant side effects has been an increased amount of gas in my abdomen. Combine that with exercise and it can be a serious challenge. The good news is I've managed not to embarass myself yet, but the bad news is based on the law of averages, I'm afraid it's bound to happen at some point.  

Yuckiness aside, I am still committed to my journey, but if anyone has any advise on the above topics, please let me know.

It's about the Moments

The AA mantra is "Take one day at a time." I've come to the conclusion with fitness, it should be, "Take one moment at a time." I'm mid-way through week four of my journey, and I think I can honestly say that this is the longest I've consistently maintained a fitness routine in my adult life. I've toyed with running off and on for years, but would only manage to work a run in two or three days a week for a week or two, and then stop for several weeks or months before starting again. It was pretty much the same when I tried Jazzercise, Step Classes and joined the Gold's Gym in Fayetteville. Something has always gotten in the way...mainly myself.

As I look back over my blogs and think back over the last several weeks, I can't help but ask myself what am I doing different this time? How have I managed to alter my pattern? I realize the answer is two-fold: I grew my village, and I learned to conquer the moments. Tying my blog to my journey was the pivotal moment. It tied the fun factor in I needed to keep myself motivated and provided a well spring of support that I had lacked in previous efforts. I haven't written in years, and I'm finding the writing is as therapeutic, as the exercise and improved eating habits, and every time I have received a comment in response to my entries either on my Facebook page, blog remarks, e-mail or in passing, it has provided the fuel for my continued efforts.

Secondly, each time I have encountered a roadblock or challenge that might have previously deterred me, I've tried to make a small change in my behavior, and those changes have helped me stay the course. You have only to read my past blogs to see the stand-out moments, but the reality is there have been many times that I have felt the urge to  cut short my work-out, but pushed past it and continued on. There have been plenty of days I was tempted to skip, but stopped myself from giving in to old patterns. Each time I walked by the unhealthy choice for the healthy one, I conquered a moment. And each time I forgave myself for not making the right choice, but acknowledged that I would choose better the next time, I conquered another one.

I have a long way to go and a multitude of moments ahead of me before I can truly claim success, but looking back even this short distance, I feel like I've already come a very long way. Thank you for helping me get this far.

The Red Horned Sloth

I returned home from 70 degree weather in Myrtle Beach to sleet, snow and freezing temperatures. I wanted to hibernate, not work-out, but I knew to meet the fitness goal I had set for myself this month, I would need to hit the gym at least four of the next five days. I decided to ease back in slowly though and allowed myself to sleep in a little longer. I could hit the gym after work. I spent much of the day with a tiny Fitness Angel riding on one shoulder and a Red Horned -Sloth riding the other arguing with each other about whether or not I could delay another day before heading to the gym again. In the end, the Angel won, and I made the decision to hit the gym. I had already had four days off, it was time to get back to work.

I left work about 4:45, and headed to my house to change into my work-out gear.  I entered through the kitchen and ran into my daughter perusing the pantry for food. She wasn't finding anything, so she asked if I would run her to the store to pick some stuff up to make for dinner. I started to reply with a "Yes", and then stopped myself. If I ran her to the store now, the likelihood was I would not make it to the gym. I had already spent much of the day convincing myself I needed to go, and if I delayed now, the Red Horned Sloth would likely win. Instead of saying "Yes", I offered to pick up the groceries at the store after I finished my work-out, but I felt a small twinge of guilt creep in. I had spent most of my adult life changing my plans to accommodate my children's needs; I was conditioned to answer "Yes", but I reminded myself I still was saying "Yes" just on a different time-line.

Charlie thanked me, but said not to worry , she would figure something out at home. I asked if she was sure, and she made the point that by the time I finished at the gym, picked up the items and brought them back for her to cook, she would be eating dinner at 8 at the earliest, and she'd rather not wait that late. My Mother guilt siren started flashing loudly. I should take her to the store, I would just have to make sure I got to the gym the next four days. But my blog guilt started kicking in too.  If I didn't make it to the gym, I would have zero wiggle room for unexpected problems. I could be setting myself up to fail this week's goal. It had been terribly hard to motivate myself to get to the gym today after four days away, tomorrow would definitely be harder. I did something at that point that I would not have done in the past. I headed upstairs and got into my work-out clothes. By the time I came down, Charlie had picked out something to make and was busily pulling out the ingredients. She was perfectly happy, and I had beaten back the Red Horned Sloth.

I realized in that moment that it was OK to start saying "Yes" to myself more, and "No" to my children more often. They didn't need me to fix every problem, or make everything better all the time. They were adults now. I left for the gym empowered with a new sense of independence.

Waking up at the beach....

I pushed myself this week to get to the gym every day, so I could manage to get all four of my workouts in before leaving for Myrtle Beach for the weekend. I was proud of myself for actually fitting them all in. I had been struggling a few days this week with my stomach, and generally those are the days I take off during the week, but I knew we'd get caught up at Myrtle and likely not have time to get a work-out in, and I didn't want this to be the first week I missed making my goal.

So yesterday when we left, I felt pretty good about my week and the choices I had made. Then we started our road trip. In my former days, road trips meant chips, trail mix, Slim Jims, gum drops, Cokes and my Faves...Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. I decided it was OK to keep the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and trail mix in moderation, but I would trade chips for cheese and crackers and cut out the gum drops and Slim Jims. The challenge, I was to find, however, was not the snacks; it was the meals.

Our first stop of the day was Steak-n Shake. I didn't feel too guilty about one fast food meal, I had been pretty good all week and Steak -n- Shake was absolutely my favorite burger joint. Balance after all has been my mantra, so when we pulled off the Fredericksburg exit to discover a new Steak-n-Shake, both Chuck and I rejoiced. I had a small twinge of guilt when I placed my order, so I added lettuce and tomatoes to my normally plain cheeseburger. I couldn't forego the fries this time. Steak-n-Shake has the best shoestring fries in America. They complete the whole experience. I ordered a bottle of water to top things off, so I felt like overall I had made fairly good choices minus the fries.

I was surprised to find, however, that after I finished my meal, I still felt that twinge of guilt, and my stomach wasn't as happy as I assumed it would be. Hmm...what was going on? We continued down the road, and eventually dinner time rolled around. My stomach wasn't craving fast food again, but we didn't want to get to the campground too late, so we agreed we'd pick up something quick again. The only place that we could find where we could pull the trailer into the parking lot was a McDonald's. As I perused the menu to make my choice, I glanced at the salads, but the idea of a McDonald's salad seemed very unappealing, so instead I ordered the Mighty Kid's Meal with Chicken Nuggets and Apple Dippers. At least I was making an an effort, I thought to myself. We got our orders to go, so we could get back on the road. Once we were settled in the truck again, I opened my bag. They had gotten my order wrong.... no apple dippers, just fries! Now a really odd thing happened. Any one who knows me well, knows that fries were one of my four main food ingredients for the majority of my adult life. I've tried every fry at every restaurant in our area, and the only fries I don't like are the seasoned curly fries from Arby's. But when I saw those fries in my bag instead of the apple dippers, my stomach actually turned. After only three weeks of trying to making healthier choices, my body was already naturally turning away from the unhealthier choices on its own.


So I went to bed last night feeling as if I had fallen off the wagon, but I woke up this morning to an incredible sunrise at the beach and the realization that one bad day was just one bad day, and ultimately it was nice to know that even though I had trained my body for years to want the bad stuff, it had only taken it a few weeks to recognize that the good stuff was better for it. I'll make better choices on my way home even if it means an unappealing salad, or taking a little longer trip home.

One last thing, if I don't make my posting the next few days, it just means I'm rocking my road trip!

If only every fitness choice came with a game...

Yesterday I was scanning my e-mail when I noticed something from Bloom, my local grocery store. Apparently when I registered for their Savings card, it required my e-mail and I was beginning to receive SPAM from them. I was about ready to hit the delete button when at the bottom corner of the page the catch phrase "Looking for foods with More Nutrition? Let the stars be your guide..." caught my eye. I was looking for food with more nutritional value, so I clicked on the link.

It took me to a page which explained Bloom's unique and new program where they were making an effort to make shopping easier for the consumer by implementing a system to label their foods by nutritional values. Zero stars, no nutritional value, One star Good nutritional value, Two Stars Better nutritional value  Three stars, the Best Nutritional value.  Instead of having to scan labels for ingredients, percentages and more, you can simply look at the number of stars associated with the item and know that the more the stars, the more vitamins, minerals, dietary fibers and whole grains the items have and the less saturated fats, cholesterol, trans fats, added sodium and added sugars the items have. It seemed like a pretty good idea at face value, but was it really necessary? To be honest I only shop at Bloom once in awhile, because Shopper's is closer, so while the idea was somewhat intriguing to me, I wasn't sure it was enough to get me  in the door more often. And then Bloom set the hook...

At the bottom of the page was a link to "Play the Guiding Stars Game". Curious, I clicked on the link. The game was designed to test your knowledge of just how nutritional different food items were. This shouldn't be too difficult, I just had to guess the number of stars Bloom assigned to the item. Once I correctly answered ten questions, the game would stop. This should be a quick game, I thought to myself.

The first picture was of Bartlett Pears. That was easy, 3 stars. Correct ...Gold star for me. The second picture was of baby red potatoes...hmm 2 Stars. Correct....Two Gold stars for me. Somewhere around the third or fourth question though my perfect record went south. A Picture of Orville Redenbacher's Smart Pop Popcorn came up. I thought for sure that was a maximum of one star on the nutritional scale, but instead it was worth two stars. Fiber One bars was the next picture; this must be at least two stars, but instead it was rated only one star. As I continued to click the wrong stars, it became clear that I should have been reading labels, because my nutritional compass was sadly eschew.

After playing the game for much longer than I expected, it became very evident that I needed a ground guide to teach me the rules. I guess the good news is Bloom has one. The hook was set, it looks like I will be shopping at Bloom more often.

How hard is hard enough....

Last week I tried out the Elliptical for the first time in several years. The irony is we actually have an elliptical machine in our house that we purchased on a whim after our daughter requested one. I tried it one time right after we got it home, struggled to stay on it for ten minutes and then pretty much ignored it from that point on. But on this day the treadmills were filled at my gym and the recumbent bikes didn't have their own TVs attached, so it seemed like the right time to try it again. After all, I had regularly been working out for the past couple of weeks. I was bound to be able to last longer than ten minutes this time. I stepped on the machine, and began my work-out. Within five minutes, I was already thinking about getting off. How was it that I had increased my times on the treadmill, yet after five minutes on the elliptical, I was already struggling. Was I not working myself hard enough on the treadmill? Was I simply I really that out of shape?

I thought about my blog, and decided I had to at least try and stick it out five more minutes. It would be pretty embarrassing to admit that I could only make it five minutes on this machine, so I pushed myself to keep going. After ten minutes, I started getting into a better rhythm, and even though I was still struggling, I thought to myself, "I can probably go five more minutes." About this point I glanced down at the heart rate monitor. Wow, my heart rate was up to 158. On the treadmill my heart rate stayed in the 115-118 range. I definitely was working harder, but was working harder better ?  I managed to push myself another fifteen minutes, after slowing my pace a little and decreasing my heart rate to the 140 range. I stepped off feeling fairly triumphant, but pondering the question, how hard is hard enough?

On the right hand side of the treadmill machine there is a handy dandy little chart that posts the ideal heart rates for a person based on their sex, their age and the goal they are targeting. According to the chart, a woman my age who's goal is to target a cardiac workout should keep their heart rate at right around 117. If you were targeting fat burn, it recommended keeping your heart rate around 144. I was close enough to both of those targets that I figured I was probably OK, but I was curious now, should I be pushing myself more or was I right on track. I googled ideal heart rates for exercising.  After lots of clicking , skimming and reading, it seemed that the chart on the treadmill was a good guideline to prevent any problems, but in truth there were multiple ways to calculate your ideal heart rate targets and multiple approaches to heart monitor training, and just like my decisions about eating healthier, it was really up to me to decide which approach I felt I could be successful with.

The treadmill is my comfortable work-out. I always step off feeling strong and successful. The elliptical is uncomfortable. I have to push myself to get through thirty minutes. The first ten minutes leaves me feeling weak and uncertain, but when I step off after staying the course, I feel I've truly accomplished something. Last night I threw another  choice in the mix, Spinning. This was another exercise routine where I thought in the first five minutes that I should just give up, but after twenty minutes began to get in a rhythm and after thirty minutes was happy I had not walked away. In the end I guess it's just like everything else, I need to approach my Cardio training from a balanced perspective. So for now, I plan to alternate my walks with the routines I am less comfortable with. By pushing myself beyond my comfort zone once in awhile, I believe I can not only reach my fitness goals a little quicker, but I get the opportunity to challenge myself to be better than even I know I can be.

We Must, We Must, We Must Increase our Busts....

I was in 8th grade when Grease hit the big screen, and like everyone else, I fell in love with John Travolta and idolized Olivia Newton John. I would daydream that I was Sandy and Mitt, the boy I had a crush on, was Danny. I would sing the songs and dance the dances, and I also adopted Marty's special exercise routine even chanting the motivational tag line, "We must, we must, we must increase our busts!"I was only 13 years old and had not begun to develop yet, but I was surrounded by girls who had, so my teenage mind believed that these exercises were just what I needed to blossom. Of course when I didn't see immediate results, I lost interest in them and moved on to another new trend just as a I moved on to a new favorite movie.

Flash forward to the present. My husband joined me at the gym again yesterday after work. We started as usual with our cardio work-out, and afterwards he offered to teach me another new routine of exercises. The first routine he taught me was designed to work my triceps and biceps; this routine was designed to teach me to work my chest and back muscles.

He selected four exercises, two were back exercises and two were chest exercises. The goal was to do three repetitions of each one. I found this routine to be more difficult than the previous routine he had taught me. Not only was the positioning more awkward this time, but it was pretty clear after the first exercise that my chest and back muscles needed a lot of work.  We began the routine on the Hammer machine. This is a free weight machine designed to work your chest muscles. The challenge, however, was that I wasn't strong enough to use any weights, so instead of pumping iron, I pumped air...or more specifically, I pushed through the routine without any weight beyond the weight of the the actual mechanism. I guess the good news was I did get through all three repetitions of the exercises, the bad news was I still needed an assist on the last two lifts!

The second exercise went a little better than the first. It was a double-pulley back exercise and I was actually able to pull a little weight this time. I would have probably considered my results on this exercise  a Grade B+ if I hadn't managed to flash the patrons behind me when Chuck repositioned me on the bench and in the process pulled me out of the back of my pants. Important lesson learned for this exercise....yoga pants or something that isn't held on by a drawstring! By the time we started the third exercise I was feeling a little self conscious, but fortunately Chuck had saved the simpler exercises for the last two. I managed to to get through the next two fairly easily and not only was I able to lift the weights this time without any assists, but I also managed not to lose any clothes in the process.

I left the gym a little concerned that I might not be able to manage the new exercises on my own and was batting around the possibility in my head that for chest and back exercises I might need to stick to the more traditional pulley machines which didn't seem to work my muscles as hard, but were easier to manage on a solo basis. About that point Chuck playfully told me in his own special words just how great he thought my chest looked while I was exercising. Suddenly I flashed back to sixth grade and my Grease days! Maybe there were some perks to this routine after all...perhaps I would give those exercises one more chance!

The Photo Booth and Carnival Mirrors..

I've been playing with the features on my new Mac Air notebook. It really is quite impressive the capabilities of this tiny and very light computer. One of the features I like most is the Photo Booth which is an application you use to take pictures of yourself through the computer. To add to the interest Apple has provided a menu of special effects to choose from to enhance the experience. You can take a normal picture, you can give yourself a fuller figure, you can twist your face or even show off a split personality!  It's as easy as selecting an effect from the menu, smiling for the camera and clicking.... the modern day version of the Carnival Mirrors.

This past Saturday night as part of the evening, AFCEA was providing free pictures to anyone who wanted to pose for the photographer. We had our picture taken the previous year and gained huge points with my Mother-in-Law by giving her the photo. So when the opportunity presented itself again this year, we made that our first stop of the evening. This year however, the cameraman apparently had other plans, and the results of our photo shoot were less than satisfactory. Not only did the picture turn out blurry, but it also seemed to be taken from a "wide angle lens". I looked puffy everywhere and Chuck looked a little like Santa in a tux without the beard. Perhaps this photographer was using the Photo Booth effect "The Bulge"!

I caught myself, for just a second asking myself the question, "Is that what I look like? Perhaps I should not have included Skinny Girl in my Blog Title" , and then I stopped myself. I felt really good about myself, and it wasn't about size I was or wasn't.  I didn't need a picture to tell me that my reflection looked fine. I knew that my real reflection was the positive energy I was projecting from the changes I had been making these past few weeks. 

So I took our very bad picture and tossed it in the garbage. No bonus points with the Mother in Law this year, but extra points for recognizing it's not a picture that defines my image, it's me.  

A Valentine's Day Present ....

For most of our married lives, Chuck and I have viewed Valentine's Day as a very low key day in terms of holidays. We would exchange boxes of candy or small gifts, but we rarely went out for special dinners or  marked it with shows of extravagant gestures. It is not that we didn't treasure each other enough to make the effort, it's just that we both believed that we should treat each other as Valentine's throughout the year, not just on one special day.

Last year, however, a close friend invited us to attend the AFCEA Annual Valentine's Ball as a guest of his company. He suggested we book a hotel room for the night, so we could relax and enjoy the evening. Both of our daughters were still living at home at that point, and it had been far too long since we  had actually gotten away for an overnight by ourselves. We decided to break the pattern, and celebrate the day with our friends at the ball. We had such a nice time getting away that we decided to start taking more weekends just for ourselves, so over the last year even as I struggled with my health challenges, we managed to get away for weekends to Rehobeth Beach, Virginia Beach, Myrtle Beach and Greenville South Carolina. No matter how crazy things were at work for us, or how bad I felt, these weekends away would rejuvenate both of us for the weeks ahead. So when our friends invited us to join them again at this year's AFCEA Ball, the answer was pretty easy.

My New Shoes

Saturday afternoon we packed our bags and headed to the Sheraton in Tyson's Corner for our 2nd Annual AFCEA Valentine's Ball and our first get-away weekend of the year! We had the tux, the dress, and my lap top just in case I got inspired somewhere along the way. The only thing we forgot were the shoes to my dress which a quick trip to a nearby Macy's took care of. We had a few drinks, had a nice dinner, re-connected with old friends and got our dance on! And, as seems to happen rather frequently, at some point during the evening, I had a blog moment ...a small event that triggers a future posting. So as the evening wound down, I was already shaping the words in my head into something more.

When we got back to our room I reached for my lap top to quickly type some ideas. I had not written my posting for the next day, so if I at least could jot a few of my ideas down while Chuck got out of his penguin suit, then I could probably still put my posting together in the morning in time to make my self-imposed deadline. I opened the lap top and logged onto my web site. Chuck casually asked me if I had any new comments. He was truly my most ardent supporter. He read all of my postings, regularly showed them to friends and would patiently sit next to me while I tuned the rest of the house out as I tapped out my thoughts each night. But as I looked at the empty screen waiting for me to fill the page, I had a second blog moment. I wasn't going to make my posting the next morning. I was going to put my lap top away for the rest of our trip and give my husband the attention he deserved for our first weekend getaway of the year.

So yesterday is the first time since I began my blog that I did not submit a daily posting. The act I believe was still a reflection of my new commitment to leading a balanced and healthier life though. This weekend I gave a Valentine's present to both my husband and myself..... I put my lap top down for a short time and permitted myself  the flexibility to enjoy the journey.

Remembering a Friend

Shortly after my youngest daughter was born, I was diagnosed with a fairly rare Kidney Disease. It was rather scary for me at the time, because up until that point in my life, I had never stayed overnight in a hospital except to have my babies. I spent two weeks in the hospital while they tried to determine what caused the kidney damage with out much success. Ultimately my kidneys stabilized, and the doctors decided instead of continuing more invasive tests which could create additional problems, we should instead opt for waiting, watching and elimination of possible triggers that might cause a recurrence. Because no on could tell me what happened, however,  I maintained a heightened level of anxiety about my health and my future.

Susan, David and Nora

About the same time frame, one of my high school friends also gave birth to a little girl, and like me, she also was faced with her first real medical challenge soon afterwards. Susan was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She and her doctors chose a conservative approach to her treatment opting for a lumpectomy vs a mastectomy. She wanted more children and the opportunity to breastfeed again, and her initial prognosis seemed to support this course of treatment. She lived across the country from me at the time, and computers were not yet household mainstays, so our communication was rather limited and we both really spent our initial year post diagnosis without either one of us very aware of the other's circumstances.

It was about a year after my initial diagnosis when a small group of my high school/college girl friends met at my husband's family cabin in Virginia for a girls' weekend. It had been several years since I had made one of the weekends, something most of my other friends managed to do fairly regularly, but this was a special weekend, one of our group was engaged and this was her Bridal Shower. I was determined to make this retreat. It was exciting to be with all of my friends again, but I also remember feeling somewhat disconnected from the girls at first. It was nothing they did, but a by-product of having missed so many of the other get togethers. They would recall some shared experience, and I would feel sad and a little guilty I had missed it. But as the weekend continued, we began catching up on all the things we had missed in each other's lives. The disconnect faded as we made new memories that weekend.

It was also the first time I had seen Susan since her diagnosis, and we re-connected again as we shared our medical journey's of the past year. What I recall the most is being so impressed by her positive attitude. I was still worrying about the unknown... What had caused my kidney's to start dying?  Would it happen again and what would that mean for my future? But Susan, who frankly had a much scarier diagnosis, was focused on the now. She was cancer free that day, but knew statistically she needed to stay cancer free for at least five years to feel safe again, yet she wasn't worrying about the next five years. She was making a conscious decision to live her life without the fear of  "What ifs?" She talked about the possibility of not making it to her 30th birthday, but she believed in her heart she would be celebrating in style and was planning for it. I left that weekend with a new attitude about my kidney disease, I wasn't going to live my life worrying about the answers I didn't have any longer; I was going to focus on the fact I was fine right now and enjoy each day again without the fear of "What if?". 

I know that as we sat on the porch that weekend and discussed our lives, our children, and our medical problems, neither one of us truly believed we would succumb to our illnesses. We were old enough to be a little fearful, but we were still young enough to believe in our invincibility.  In the end, Susan did live to see her thirtieth birthday, but not her 31st. She fought a hard battle, but the cancer kept coming back, eventually attacking her lungs, her spine and her brain.

I am 46 years old and it is almost twenty years later. I am ashamed to say that despite having lost a good friend to this disease, I have not had my first Mammogram. I have let every other issue take priority over a small, but very important one. I've begun my journey by working out regularly and making better choices about my diet, but I know to truly make a change I have to do more.

Monday's task: Schedule My first Mammogram.

One last thing...please check out my newest link under my favorite link's section. Libby's Legacy is an organization dedicated to providing comprehensive breast health care to the underserved Central Florida community through education, mammograms, follow up diagnostics and Hope Coaches on the journey from diagnosis to treatment.

A few of our Friends Supporting Libby's Legacy at Scooters for Hooters

The Meat Market

Wednesday night I hit the gym around 5:00 pm. It was actually fairly busy. The previous Weekdays I had been there so far it had not been as busy. There were usually only two to three folks on the aerobic machines, maybe one or two people on the weight machines and maybe another person or two in the free weight section. This is one of the things that attracted me to this particular gym, as well as the proximity, which is within five miles of both my home and work.

Typically I start my work-out on the treadmill. It is easy to tune everyone out while doing this, because there is literally a small TV attached to every machine. I just plug in my ear phones, tune it to an interesting show and put blinders on to everyone else around me. After my jaunt, I typically head to the weight section. Last week I had only attempted the weight machines, because they were easy to figure out. However,  Saturday, my husband joined me for my work-out and showed me some simple free weight exercises I could try. I particularly liked his routine, because it felt like I was working my muscles harder than on the weight machines, but it was also designed to complete in a short period of time, and I thought that would work very well with my schedule .

So Wednesday night was the first rotation in my work-out schedule where I got to try the exercises he showed me again by myself. I headed over to the free weight section to begin my routine, and suddenly I felt several pairs of eyes upon me. There were actually several men working out in that area, but no women. I immediately felt self-conscious. I even hesitated for a moment and thought, maybe I should just head back over to the weight machines. They were lined up against the wall, and it was a little easier to feel invisible over there. There was no one on them, I could just take a right turn and fall back into anonymity.

Then I thought, how did I not notice this on Saturday? There were several men in the free weight area that day as well. I don't recall feeling self conscious at this point, but it struck me, I could hide behind Chuck on Saturday. He was my shield to any sideways looks. So I was facing a new crossroads, should I continue on with the work-out I had already decided upon, or should I let the sideways glances deter me?  Ultimately I think it may have been the thought of explaining walking away from the situation in my blog that motivated me, but I swallowed my fear, put my personal items down, reached up and took hold of the Tricep Pulley and began my first exercise.

By the time I finished the routine, I had not quite managed to tune everyone else out, but I had managed to lessen the degree to which I felt self conscious, so as I drove home I pondered the issue. Was this a woman thing... was I self-conscious to work-out in front of men? Was this a beginner thing... was I intimidated by working out in front of stronger and more seasoned athletes? Was this a meat market thing... was I self-conscious that I was perhaps being checked out? The only answer I could come up with was...all of the above.

I knew there were other women like me who felt self-conscious in a gym full of men, but I thought of the  many women athletes I know who competed shoulder to shoulder daily in a men's arena and enjoyed it. I wondered if they felt the way I did when they started? I understood that beginners are more likely to feel intimidated surrounded by a group of long-time athletes, so I reminded myself everyone has to start somewhere. I also recognized that every gym has a few folks checking out the scenery, but truthfully, my gym was not nearly the meat market that some gyms are, so I ultimately knew I had chosen well. Hopefully by understanding my feelings, I could begin to conquer them.

The bottom line is I am really glad I didn't let my momentary insecurities take hold of me and stayed the path that day, but I recognize it will probably still be a challenge for me in similar situations for a little while longer. Hopefully with time and experience, I will reach a point where I have enough self confidence that I can tune out those other distractions and just enjoy what  I am doing.

Putting the Blackberry Down....

Wednesday mornings, Charlie, my daughter, has to be at the HOV lot by 8:15 if she hopes to catch a ride to the city to make it to work on time. Normally her phone acts as her primary alarm, and I act as a secondary alarm. For those of you that know Charlie well, you know that I act as a secondary alarm somewhat regularly. But yesterday morning her phone was still locked up at the Salon where it was left when she had her seizure last Saturday, so I offered to act as her primary alarm for the day.

My alarm went off at the agreed upon time. I rolled over, turned it off and laid there for a second. It was cold, and I was pretty warm snuggled in my bed with my puppies. Since I get ready much quicker than Charlie and my work-out for the day was scheduled for after-work, I could hang out in bed a little longer before I had to get up. I reached over and grabbed my blackberry. Charlie was in the basement, and I was two floors up. I would call the house phone which was in her room, and that would wake her up. Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring..."You have reached the home of  Chuck and Angie...." Click. Let's try again....Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring..."You have reached the home of Chuck and Angie...." Slam! Answer the phone, I  really don't want to get out of bed and face the cold morning just yet!" Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring...@$#%> Third strike, I'm out!

So I grumbled my way down the two flights of stairs complaining to myself all the way down. When I reached the basement I called out rather shrilly,"Charlie, Wake up! Charlie, Are you sitting up? I'm not coming down again!" Mission accomplished; I started my ascent. It was on the way back up that I had a revelation. How ridiculous was I being? I had let myself get worked up essentially because I had to walk a few extra steps. And that's when I really had to stop and examine my actions. I regularly call Charlie on the phone while we are both in the house, and she in turn regularly calls me. When Chelsey is home, she has been known to call me from her bedroom when I am only two doors down in my bedroom.

So, as I was pondering the absurdity of this, I remembered a fitness segment I had seen on TV recently which focused on the small changes we can make to improve our fitness levels on a daily basis. Park your car at the farthest end of the parking lot from where the door is, if you work every day in a desk job, get up and walk down the hallway to share a piece of information with your co-worker instead of sending an e-mail,  or take your dog for a walk around the block instead of letting them out in the back yard to run.  Needless to say, my new small fitness change this week will be to put the blackberry down in my house and dialogue face to face with my family members. I imagine that my rewards will be far more than just physical.

This Might Make You a Little Uncomfortable....

So one of the neat things about the blog site I am using is that it provides you with some statistics about how many hits your blog has had , how many page views each entry has , as well as generalized locations of where your page is being viewed. It doesn't show you who is viewing your page or how many times they are viewing it, but it gives you a generalized look at the daily activity which is surprisingly very inspiring. So after a week of blogging I have had over 300 hundred hits to my site. In comparison to Facebook hits, I'm sure that's pretty measly, but for my first week's efforts it feels pretty good.



Map of Page Views by Country



I have viewers from the United States, Canada and Japan and guessing if I poke my big brother I can get one in the Dominican Republic as well! Interestingly enough my most viewed posting by nearly double is the entry entitled "Apparently It's All About the Panties..." !  I've also garnered the most feedback from this entry. I think it was so popular, because it is an issue that women can identify with and men can get a little titillated by.

I've actually received a lot of great advice on the subject. One piece of advice I have received from multiple supporters has been to try it "Commando Style". So this is the point for all of you men or women who might have been a little titillated  by that story that you may want to stop reading. I have a secret to share, and this might make some of you a little uncomfortable. After two pregnancies, two plus years of continual coughing and the onset of menopause, my bladder doesn't work as well as it used to, and I have been known to leak upon impact. A sudden cough, or sneeze, dancing with too much exuberance and even jogging can create a challenge. So there it is. I am unable to go "Commando" for fear that I may need an extra layer of absorbency! The good news is I'm not at the depends stage, but the bad news is free styling is out of the option in the near term.

Hopefully Kegels, Ab exercises and regular emptying will continue to improve the situation, but until then I'm still on the hunt for the perfect work-out panty solution. My new Under Armour hipsters are working for now, but I'm still not completely satisfied with the fit. They say confession is good for the soul, and I must say, this confession feels somewhat freeing. I'm guessing there are other women out there with my same challenges. Feel free to weigh in!

The Blahs...Should I Stay or Should I go?

 Yesterday marked a week since I began this journey, and oddly enough I woke up with the Blahs. There really hasn't been a day since this started that I have had to push myself to keep going. I've been motivated every day either by my excitement to write a new entry, the thrill of meeting a new goal or the inspirational comments posted from so many friends. But yesterday morning was different. I awoke to both a cold and irritable stomach, and with very little thought rolled over, reset my alarm and decided that I would push back my work-out until after work, so I could sleep a tiny bit longer.

The Blahs...Should I stay or Should I go?

In my previous life, that would have been code for "Not going to happen today!" I would have nursed my cold and convinced myself that the gym could wait until tomorrow or the next day, or whenever I felt better, but I had made this new, very pubic commitment. So I spent much of the day fighting an inner battle, to work-out or not to work-out. After all there were still six more days left in the week in which to meet my short term goal of working out at least four times a week for the next month. I could take the day off if I wanted to. 

But this tiny thing, my blog, kept whispering in my ear. "You have to work out today! What if you feel worse tomorrow? You'll have wasted a perfectly good work out day, and you'll be letting yourself down, ... Push yourself!" So at 5 o-clock, after much wavering, I made the decision to go and headed to the gym. I didn't walk as fast, but I walked as far. I cut out one repetition of weights, but made it through all my exercises and I finished my Ab work while silently noting to myself that my Ab muscles have a long, long way to go. When all was said and done, I realized that while my cold didn't feel any better and my stomach was still a a bit awry, my blahs had actually lifted. I felt like I had crossed an important threshold by pushing myself to make it through that work-out; I was breaking old patterns and that felt really good.

Yeah...I did it!

So thank you to everyone who has been leaving comments for me on my blog or Facebook, or simply  taking the time to tell me in passing that you have enjoyed my blog. Your encouragement is the fuel that got me to the gym yesterday!!!

Temples, 7-11s and Liquor stores...

"Sunday through Friday, my body is a temple, but Friday through Sunday it's a 7-11 and Liquor Store." This is my husband's somewhat unique approach to maintaining physical fitness, and for the last thirty years or so it has worked remarkably well for him. The military initially trained him to work out regularly, but his own drive took that training to the next level. Throughout his career as an active duty military officer, he maxed his PT tests, ran an average of 6 miles a day and pumped iron during lunches. Even now after he has retired from active duty and PT is no longer a requirement of the job, he still leaves the house each weekday morning at 5:30 am, so he can hit the gym before his day begins. When he travels, he picks his hotels on the basis of their work-out rooms, and because his damaged feet and knees can't tolerate running 5 days a week any longer, he has replaced running two days a week with spin classes lead by a 20 something instructor who kick his ###.  However, Friday nights roll around, and he forgoes workouts for football, water for beer, and Salads for double-cheeseburgers from McDonald's. If you met my husband on a weekend, you would probably not have any idea that he was something of a fitness nut, unless you caught a glimpse of his biceps under his shirt sleeves.

I, on the other hand, have spent much of my adult life living as a "Junk Food Junkie" seven days a week. French Fries, Cokes, and Little Debbie Swiss Cakes have been a main staple of my diet for as long as I can recall, and as I have already noted, my work-out routine has been anything but consistent. So as I ponder the choices ahead, I find myself considering the value in my husband's somewhat unique philosophy.

One of the most difficult choices in this process has been deciding on the approach to use in changing my eating habits. I've been doing the research on healthier eating habits, and find myself overwhelmed by the amount of contradictory information out there. Every fitness guru seems to have a different approach. Atkins vs Low Fat, Veganism vs Vegetarian,  Old Food Pyramid vs New Food Pyramid. Whom does one choose to believe? What will work best for me and my lifestyle, and what will work best based on the health challenges I still have to deal with on a daily basis? All of the philosophies seem sound and all can illustrate concrete examples of success, but which one is right for me?

So in reading their stories, I have come to the conclusion the key to success with any approach is selecting the routine that best  fits your lifestyle, addresses your specific health concerns and works toward your desired long term goal. A diabetic seeking to control his sugar better is definitely going to find a higher rate of success utilizing a low carb lifestyle. A food critic whose goal is to loose weight might fair better on a weight watcher's approach that still allows for a variety of choices while he is working but emphasizes portion control.  I know that adopting a Vegan lifestyle would result in quick failure on my part. Not only do I crave red meat because I lean to the anemic side, I have to avoid foods high in fiber, so I would quickly tire of having to find creative solutions for replacing iron, protein and calcium while still ensuring I don't take in too much fiber. Atkins would be another fail, as pasta and baked potatoes are mainstays during those periods when I have to restrict myself to a softer diet, because of my GI concerns.

So after much inner debate, I've decided to start with the recommendations of the new Food Pyramid put into practice utilizing a modified version of my husband's principle. I don't plan on limiting myself to thinking of my body as a temple Monday through Friday only, but I still plan on enjoying a few 7-11 moments throughout the week... Strawberry Shortcake from JoJo's, my infamous Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and the occasional mixed drink. The good news is if after a period of time, I don't see the change I am looking for with this approach, there are still plenty more to choose from! But for the near term, My Body is a temple, but occasionally it is a 7-11 and Liquor Store too!

Hot Flash.....Controlling the things I can control!

Last night is the first night , since I began my blog that I missed a day of posting. I typically write my blog at some point during the day and then post it in the evening just before I go to bed. I worked on my posting last night, but for the first time since I started this the words weren't flowing, and I couldn't seem to tie my thoughts together. So I finally just closed my lap top and decided, I'd try again in the morning.

Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up to my not so recent friend.... the hot flash. For any of you that have not experienced one, your body seems to suddenly radiate intense heat outward from your very core. There is not much to do, but flip your pillows to the cold side and try and let the sensation pass. So as I lay there with waves of heat rolling off my body, and I tried to close my eyes again with the hope the sensation would pass and I could gently fall back to sleep again, my mind wandered to my blog. And then I had another flash, this time a flash of an idea....the reason I hadn't been able to pull my blog together last night was because I hadn't been sharing what my heart truly wanted to write about that day. Instead I had been trying to focus on the blog I had begun on Saturday morning, before my day's events had reshaped the landscape.

The day began as any typical Saturday morning. We dropped my daughter at Pentagon City, so she could take the metro to work and then headed on our way to begin our day. Saturday's are typically our days to go on adventures. We usually drop Charlie, get some breakfast and then wander the city to find something fun to do. This Saturday, however, we had decided to change the routine in response to my new quest, and we had decided to go workout together for the first time at my gym. We made a quick stop by Dick's, and had just gotten back in the car to head to the gym, when I received a phone call from my daughter's salon. She had just had a seizure and they had called and ambulance were to take her to the hospital, because she had hit her head. My heart fell;  she had been doing so well. She had almost reached the six month mark again and had been studying her Driver's manual in hopes of getting the opportunity to get her Driver's License. We turned the car around and headed to George Washington University Hospital. The gym would have to wait.

I walked into the room where Charlie was laying, and she looked at me with her beautiful, sad eyes and started crying. "Don't say anything. I know this is all my fault. I'm so mad at myself." I held her and tried to comfort her, and then I thought about her words. She was wrong, but she was right too. It is not her fault she has epilepsy. She can not control the fact she was unfortunate enough to have a neurological disorder, but she was right in the sense that she had missed medications and gotten very little sleep the night before. She had allowed her triggers to stack up, so the medications weren't enough and her body then responded with a seizure. But for the first time, Charlie was really owning her piece in the solution to the problem. She was taking ownership of her actions and my heart sang with hope. This was a turning point, and I could suddenly see for the first time the possibility that she would achieve her goal of driving even though it was now at least another six months away. Charlie was learning at a much younger age, the very thing I was trying to achieve in my quest today. Control the things with your body you can control.

So after a long day in the ER, my husband and I came home, handed Charlie off to her very supportive boyfriend, and headed to the gym. A big step for me, as my normal routine after one of Charlie's events is to wallow in my misery, but if Charlie could learn from this, so could I. Control the things I can control. Thank you Charlie for being my daily example of strength, determination and courage.

I am listening now....

Every day on my way to work, I pass by the same group of ladies walking their dogs. Some days the group has three people, some days four, some days five, but in general the group has the same core three ladies who walk every day, rain or shine, snow or sleet, freezing or blazing hot. When I think about the road ahead to achieving a healthier me, I want to be like the group of ladies walking their dogs...have the commitment to stay the course regardless of the circumstances, and that of course is the challenge. I have commitment today, but how do I maintain that commitment level over the long haul. What do I use to motivate myself to get out of bed on a cold day when I'm feeling achy? How do I break myself of the habit of grabbing a quick Reeses Peanut Butter Cup to start the day on the way out the door? How do I motivate myself to make that annual OB GYN or Dental appointments for which are several years behind?

Jimmie

I've made the first step, by starting my village. But step two involves listening. This past Monday after I shared my blog with my husband, he was pretty excited. He had a brother pass away a few years ago from a sudden heart attack. Jimmie was active his entire life. He played indoor soccer leagues in the winter, outdoor soccer leagues in the spring, he golfed, helped coach his children's teams, worked in the yard and much more. He travelled quite a bit for work, and because of that, he probably did not eat as well as he should have. He put on a little weight before he passed away too, but was never heavy. He was clearly not the person you would look at and think "He's a heart attack waiting to happen" . Yet he was the one who left us too early. So while my husband has always encouraged me to start some sort of physical fitness routine, in the last few years, his efforts have increased and rightfully so.

To set the background for this story, you need to know that Chuck has always been my strongest advocate, but he has also always been the the last person I've wanted to listen to. I think it may be a woman thing, but when Chuck would say "So do you think now that you are feeling a little better, you'll get back to the gym?". I'd hear, "Honey, your getting a little flabby, you better work out." Once I would make that effort and start back for some period of time, I would inevitably start missing a day here or there, and then he would ever so nicely (for fear of my reaction) ask me again, " So do you think you will get to the gym today?" and I of course heard, "Wow, you're lazy, why aren't you making it to the gym anymore?" . This of course would inevitably lead to a long explanation on my part about why I couldn't make that happen. It was pretty painful to be on the receiving end of my defensiveness, and he would eventually stop asking for some period of time, until he determined it was safe to try again.

So back to Monday, Chuck's excited. I've actually started this thing without any nudges from him, and I've invited advice! We are in the car after dinner, and I am laying out my plan for him. I mention that I am concerned about how I am going to fit my work-out routine in on the days I have to get Charlie to her ride at 8:15 in the morning. Chuck very nicely pipes in, "Well you can go after work on those days..." at which point I promptly cut him off, and reverted back to my old defensive self hearing instead, "You're already making excuses. You are going to fail."  After I finished my diatribe, he very quietly said to me "You just invited the world to give you advice, but clearly you weren't including me. If you had let me finish, I was just going to say, I can cook dinners on the nights you need to work out, so you won't have to worry about that, but I won't try and give you anymore advice, since it seems to upset you so."  Of course, after feeling like a heel, I stopped and really thought about it. That was exactly one of my problems/patterns I needed to break. I was cutting off the one person who has always supported me regardless of my success and refusing to listen to his suggestions, because I was letting my own insecurities color his comments.

So Step Two: To my dear husband, Thank you for always supporting me in my efforts. I am listening now.