Invincible

So how ironic that the day after I post my first entry in months, I wake up with my stomach doing somersaults again! Clearly God knew me better than I know myself! I am pretty sure he nudged me into making that post, knowing that once I did, I would find it hard to blow off my next workout, simply because I felt bad. I am positive if I had not made that commitment, I would have skipped a trip to the gym, and opted for laying in bed. Instead I dragged myself there, hit the treadmill for 45 minutes and followed with some sit-ups. It wasn’t a full work-out, and my body was still not cooperating with me when I finished, but I felt as if I had won a hard fought race simply by sticking it out.  As it turned out, it was just the start I needed to prepare myself for a day that ended in sadness and surprise.  

Late in the afternoon on the 4^th, my youngest daughter learned that one of her friends and been killed in an accident. The young man and two friends decided to take an ATV out in the very early hours of the morning after a night of Pre-Fourth of July celebrations. They hit a pothole in the dark and the boy was thrown from the vehicle ultimately resulting in his death a few hours later. My daughter and her friends have spent most of the time sense struggling to make sense of the insensible. Twenty year olds aren’t supposed to die. Twenty year olds are supposed to be invincible, and because they believe they are, they do those things that most of their parents have learned not to do. By the time you are our age, you know that no one is invincible; at their age, however, you still believe you are untouchable until you see the name of your friend scrolling down a twitter feed preceded by three words, "Rest in Peace".

As I paced myself on the treadmill yesterday, I vacillated between sadness for the family, relief that my daughter had stayed home and not attended the party where the accident occurred, and a sense of guilt for being selfish enough to have thought of that in the face of such a horrific tragedy.  I couldn’t stop thinking about the other parent’s loss, and yet I couldn’t stop feeling relieved that it wasn’t my loss. I thought of the friends who were left behind: the ones who were with him that morning and now had to live with the “What ifs.” I thought of the friends who were not with him that morning and wondered if they might have changed the outcome if they had been there.  I pondered if this would make any of them pause in the future or would their pain send them down a more dangerous path. I worried, “Would we lose any others too soon?” and even as the thought crossed my mind, I already knew the answer was likely "Yes!" These tragedies happened daily across the country…. good kids, making a careless decision that cost them their life.  

The truth is that when you are twenty, it doesn’t take long for that sense of vulnerability to wear off and the seduction of invincibility to set back in. I could only pray and hope that the events of this week would make a strong enough impression on my own child  and those close to her to protect them from some future tragedy and another senseless loss. 

A Crack in the Foundation

It has been quite some time since I posted last. I wish I could tell you that I have been a work-out machine these last few months and I just haven't found the time to write, but the truth is I fell off the wagon and have been avoiding publishing my downfall. 

It all began shortly after my daughter got engaged and just after I passed the one year mark of starting my blog. My daughter and her fiance set a wedding date for September 1, 2012. While this initially seemed like a long time for planning purposes, when we actually began hunting for dresses, venues and DJs, it quickly became evident that in the bridal world, we were having a rush wedding! I started allowing my wedding planning to get in the way of my regular workout routine. Instead of working out four to five times a week, I dropped to three to four times a week. I told myself it was OK for a short period of time to miss a few days here and there. After all, I reasoned with myself, I had been working out regularly for a year. I was clearly past the point of losing my way…or so I thought, and that was the psychological crack in the foundation that led to my downfall. 

Three to four times a week dropped to two to three times a week, and then I woke one morning with a kink in my neck, and two to three times a week dropped to one to two times a week. Soon after my neck improved, I started having problems with my gastroparesis. From that point on, my work-out routine went completely to the wayside. I managed three short bike rides (a new activity I’ll write about in one of my future blogs) and a handful of even shorter walks over a six week period. 

Finally, about two weeks ago, things with my body started turning around again, and I have slowly been able to pick up the activity again. About a week ago, I started batting around the idea of posting to my blog again, but every time I sat down to write, I found a reason not to. The truth was I knew posting to the blogosphere was a commitment, and frankly, I was a little afraid to commit again. After a year of hard work, it had been so easy to slide back into a routine of complacency and excuses. I was afraid of admitting my failure and afraid of repeating that failure in the future. 

I pondered the idea for several more days, and then came the sudden realization. The only true failure would be to give into that fear and allow it to to stop me from trying again. If nothing else, I had proven one thing this past year. I am far more successful in my efforts with a team cheering me on. My mission is still the same…do the things I need to do on a daily basis to improve my overall health. Fix the issues I can control and position myself better for facing the health concerns I can’t control.  It’s time to get serious again….who is with me?