The Golden Nugget

I did something new on Sunday. I went to church by myself. I have to admit, even as I was heading out the door I was wavering about going. There are still certain things I just feel more comfortable doing with a companion...going to a restaurant, going to a movie, going to church. I am sure the fact I was married so young plays into that. I met my husband on a high school youth group trip to the Bahamas when I was sixteen. He was one of the chaperones, and while I am sure God saw the irony in a college sophomore acting in that capacity, he clearly played a hand in it as well, as we ended up marrying just shy of my twentieth birthday and have been happily married ever since. Needless to say, I went from attending church with my parents as a child, to attending church with my friends while in high school, to attending church with my  husband and children as an adult, so the thought of attending church alone was a little intimidating to me.

I managed to overcame my momentary insecurities, however, and headed to the church we've been attending now since I decided to kick start my spiritual journey as part of this quest. I parked the car, walked inside and headed to the back pew. I was still self-conscious enough that I didn't want to sit up front. The service began with a medley of contemporary songs, and I found myself tapping my toes and swaying slightly to the music. Before I knew it that slightly uncomfortable feeling had passed.

The minister got up to give his sermon, and I listened carefully. I had this feeling he would be speaking to me. I had stepped out of my comfort zone to get myself to church; the sermon was sure to hold extra significance. He told several entertaining stories, and I found myself waiting, waiting for what he said to make that significant impact, waiting for the "Aha" moment when my mind clicked and said, "Here it is ...The Golden Nugget!" 

The pastor was very entertaining and made several impressive points, but I wasn't managing to tie everything together. He compared us to vessels filled with water. He spoke about letting God know that we were ready to be used in his service so we could "pour out" his blessings. He explained that we might not understand how the things in our lives, good and bad, could serve God's purpose, but we needed to trust that they would. He went on to say that worrying served no purpose. Finally at the end, he asked us to join him in an exercise holding out our hands as if to accept something, then acknowledging that we trusted in God and asking him to use us for his service. I didn't really understand how the sermon wove together, but I did understand the exercise.  I was looking to reboot my spiritual life. This was a beginning.

I went home after the service and went about the rest of my day. I worked in the house organizing cabinets, drawers and closets. My husband returned from his trip and we enjoyed a quiet evening together. I went through the day with a lightness of heart. I still had all of the same concerns and stressors, but for some reason, they just weren't weighing me down. I carried that sense of ease with me into the next day and through most of the next one too. Then I encountered a situation where I could feel the natural inclination for worry and concern to take hold. I started to feel my anxiety wind up, but as I  thought back to Sunday's exercise, the calm returned. I may not have understood that day how the sermon wove together, but in the bits and pieces I took away, I had found my golden nugget. I was "pouring out" my worries and allowing myself instead to be filled with the faith that everything would work out as it should, and this faith was in turn allowing me to "pour out" my story.  It was the "Aha" moment I had been waiting for.